


Things will get better (cause they cant get worse)

by harryisqueen



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 12:26:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryisqueen/pseuds/harryisqueen
Summary: There is a moment we choose. We choose to either get better or stay broken.





	Things will get better (cause they cant get worse)

**Author's Note:**

> TW; Strong references towards attempted suicide. I am in NO way trying to portray suicide in a good light. Please if you are ever feeling any sort of feelings towards harming yourself there is someone who is willing to listen. Please stay safe.  
> Call; 1-800-273-8255  
> Call for the deaf and/or hard of hearing; 1-800-799-4889  
> Text; 741741  
> Website; https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

They hurt. The memories hurt. El believed they would truly always leave that gaping hole. For something that was stolen from her. A life, a childhood, normalcy. Happiness.

She didn’t think she could ever be driven to this point but things would just not be the same again. Papa. No not Papa. Martin Brenner, the man who stole so much from Eleven.

Eleven’s toes curled into the rocks on the edge of the cliff in anxiety. What everyone had said was false. Her life was not flashing before her eyes. She was thinking. Thinking of everything, she lost. Everything she gained. The past 5 years that she had been living in Hawkins.

The best five years of her life.

She would eternally be grateful for everything Hopper had done for her. Everything Mike and the boys had done for her. Everything Max had done for her.

No one knew of the darkness. The sadness. The feeling always brewing inside her. She was a bother. As much as everyone tried to deny it she knew she was. She was quite a few negative things but naïve was not one of them.

She really hoped everyone found their notes. The notes she had written for everyone. Everyone who made her shitty life a little less shitty.

She hoped they knew she loved them.

She hoped they knew it was none of their faults.

This was better for all parties involved.

Hopper would finally be able to sleep through the night.

Mike would be free from her and all her baggage.

Lucas could date Max without things being awkward amongst the party.

Will would not have to worry about her loony sister a few doors down.

Dustin would not have to worry about making El feel included.

Max would not have to worry about someone being cold towards her.

Steve would not have to watch her every Saturday because of Hopper’s fears of leaving her alone.

Everyone would be free. Including herself. Finally free. She was free the day she left the lab. She always had the fear in the back of her mind. She wasn’t totally free.

This was the best way for her to be free. No more pain. No more sadness. No more mutilation. No more hurt for Mike. No more fights. No more halfway happy.

She could be completely and utterly happy.

No one would have to worry.

It was best for everyone.

El breathed deeply through her nose.

One-step. Two-step. Closer inching closer.

do it.

do it.

do it.

It’s best for everyone.

You’re holding people back.

You’re holding yourself back.

Everyone will be free.

Totally free.

You will be free.

It’s the only solution.

Totally. Free.

One-step closer.

Almost there.

It hurts. Only for a moment. The mental pain will dissolve for others eventually. Then they will all realize what she did helped them. 

She would finally cut the chains that were weighing them down at the ankles.

One-step closer.

No stopping.

Closer.

Closer.

“Eleven what the hell.”

El didn’t have to turn around to know who was behind her.

Shit.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

She thought they wouldn’t find the notes until it had been done.

When she had freed everyone.

She felt a hand wrap around her bicep swinging her around.

Lucas.

“Eleven seriously what the hell.”

Eleven blinked at him blankly.

“You need to be free,” El Whispered trying to jerk herself from his grip.

“What the hell. No. Doing this will not solve your problems. It seems like the only option now because you’re desperate for a solution.”

“No. I weigh everyone down everything I do explodes in my face. Explodes in everyone else’s face. Leave me alone and pretend you never saw me here.” Eleven spat out.

“No. El listen to me and listen hard. I’m not leaving you here. This won’t help you. There’s a choice we all have in life. We can either get better and find a way to deal with the problems we have. The emotional baggage as you say. Or we can remain broken grasping onto the most desperate of measures to make us feel better.”

El tried jerking herself away.

She didn’t want to hear this.

This was the solution.

The only way.

To be free.

Her eyes were wet as she struggled.

Struggled with the emotional pain.

Struggled against the weight of Lucas’s words.

“I’m taking you home. I will not tell Hopper because that is not my place. That is your place. However, if you don’t tell him I will.”

Lucas draped his arm over her shoulder pulling her closer to him.

“Friends don’t let friends hurt themselves or hurt in silence.” He said.

Jumping might seem like the only way to be free.

But maybe.

Just maybe.

She could figure out a different way.

A better way.

A healthier way.

To be free.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts
> 
> follow me on tumblr! harryisqu33n.tumblr.com


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